I teach pre-k and love every one of my students with a mama bear kind of love. I want only the best for them. One of my precious ones has been through and seen more in her 4 short years than many of us will see in our lifetime. She is scared of her own shadow...cries because she's scared to go to the bathroom by herself, cries because she's scared to go back to the cafeteria line to get the milk she forgot. On Friday, she cried because she was scared to say, "Hi, everybody." I tenderly told her that she's at school and school is a safe place...there's nothing to be scared of! The other little one's chimed in with, "Yeah, school's safe" and "there's nothing to be scared of."
Then, around 2:00, I heard of the shootings in Connecticut. And just like that, an elementary school, a classroom full of the youngest, most innocent learners, the place that (at least in my mind) was off limits to horror like that became fair game for the evil of this world. After school, I sat in my empty classroom and sobbed a bucket of tears for the little ones, their families, the survivors. And the Spirit groaned for all that was lost. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. Romans 8:26
When I became a teacher, I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams (nightmares, really) that I might one day need to somehow muster the bravery of a soldier or police officer. Bravery that is in there somewhere, to protect the most innocent among us...all while having no weapon to defend myself, my only weapon would my wits. (that will hopefully still be in place among the chaos) Over the past 2 days, I've had to force myself to "go there"...to imagine shots ringing out in my school. Forcing myself to think of where I would hide my babies, because they really are my babies. I feel sure that huddling in the corner wouldn't be suffice. I don't watch the news and don't want to know the details of just exactly what happened that morning, don't want to know anything about the monster who did this. When I let my mind wander, the details that come to mind of what happened in that school are too much...it's all just too much! Then, when I imagine it happening in Parker or Grey's school or classroom, well, I just don't have words. None of us do. All I can do is shake my head and beg Jesus to come quickly, to have mercy on us.
My Granny used to tell me that there is a lot of mean-ness in this world. And, she was right. It makes me sad that our boys will grow up in this broken world.
So, what do we do now? Where do we go from here? I'm choosing to look for joy in my days and in what surrounds me. I have a child in my class whose family is living in the depths of poverty. They are precious. Santa came to visit last week and this little one told Santa that he wanted a dinosaur shirt for Christmas. My heart ached a little, because I don't know whether or not his family can afford it. After the events of last week, I'm going to get a shirt for him and get it to his family. I'm going to look for ways to give joy. Can't we all do that? In giving joy to those around us, aren't we helping out in this world?
So, even if my heart and mind are so overwhelmed, I know with such certainty that it is well with my soul. I know that God is my protector and my shield. I know that I am His and so are my children. I know that no matter what horrible thing might happen next, I will choose to praise God for the good after it. I've copied this from a church website:
Today is a heartbreaking day. Our nation experienced the second worst school shooting in American history. Our thoughts and prayers are with the families and everyone affected by this senseless tragedy. I, like all Americans, am devastated.
During tragic times like this there is inevitably a mad scramble for clarity. How could this happen? Why would a good and loving God let this happen? Who’s to blame for this senseless violence?
The problem – Shallow Christian clichès fall short and ultimately Clarity never comes…because at best, we see ‘through a glass dimly…’ During times like this we think we need Clarity when what we really need is Certainty.
I am certain that this senseless act breaks the heart of God because…
• I am certain that God understands what it means to lose a son.
• I am certain that every one of todays victims was precious to God
• I am certain that God is near to the brokenhearted
• I am certain that no life ever is devoid of meaning no matter how short.
• I am certain that Jesus meant it when he said, “Let the little children come to me”.
• I am certain that life is precious and that every day with your kids is a gift.
• I am certain that America needs to rediscover a reverence for life.
• I am certain that a day is coming when suffering will cease and God will reign.
• I am certain that when anyone closes their eyes here for the last time and wakes up in the arms of Jesus – they will be more alive than they have ever been.
• I am certain that God understands what it means to lose a son.
• I am certain that every one of todays victims was precious to God
• I am certain that God is near to the brokenhearted
• I am certain that no life ever is devoid of meaning no matter how short.
• I am certain that Jesus meant it when he said, “Let the little children come to me”.
• I am certain that life is precious and that every day with your kids is a gift.
• I am certain that America needs to rediscover a reverence for life.
• I am certain that a day is coming when suffering will cease and God will reign.
• I am certain that when anyone closes their eyes here for the last time and wakes up in the arms of Jesus – they will be more alive than they have ever been.
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