waving the white flag

We are in the San Juan mountains.  We come to Lake City, Co every summer and this is the longest we've stayed.  If I'll prepare my heart for it, I find that God speaks to me here....especially when we are on the four wheelers, on some rocky trail.  Normally, I ride behind JT.  He drives, deciding the safest path to take, deciding how fast is too fast.  I just get to sit behind him and enjoy the ride.  The wind in my face kind of takes my breath away, so I can just duck down behind him, letting him sheild me so that I can breathe freely.  Last fall, I was in a bible study and one of the girls said that she heard Beth Moore one time describe submitting to your husband like being behind him on an ATV.  You get to duck behind him and he takes the brunt of whatever is coming your way.

When we were in engagement classes and bible studies before we got married, "submit to your husband", was a really HARD pill for that 22 year old to swallow!  I still struggle with it.  To be honest, I've been totally defensive and stubborn about submission.  But, as the years have passed us and I've grown with God, I'm realizing that submission isn't such a bad thing after all.  I'm so lucky to be married to a man that I can trust to take what's coming our way.  Knowing that he is praying and going to God, makes it a lot easier.  I know that he puts us first in his decision making process. 

So, JT had to go home for a week to work and then will come back for the 4th of July.  Yesterday, we went on a ride.  But, I was driving this time, with Parker behind me.  Driving is a completely different experience than riding...nothing to block the wind and dirt, no one to ask about the safest path to take.  It's times like these that God speaks the most clearly to me.  In a nutshell, he said...  When I can "raise my white flag" and totally submit my life to HIS will for it, I can sit behind him, leaning into Him.  All the while, going where He leads me and having faith that He will not steer me wrong.  He knows the right paths to take, even if they are rocky ones.  I can trust that what's on the other side is breathtaking and beyond anything I could have stived for.  

One Sunday, while sitting in church, I heard God say just as loudly and clearly than he ever has before, 
"You.  Don't.  Trust.  Me."  Uh, ouch! I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with it.  So, it was with an earnest spirit that I asked Jesus to work on my heart and get me to the place that I can willingly, joyously even, FULLY submit to God's will for me.  Knowing our history, it will take a while.  :)

"Don't panic.  I'm with you.  There's no need to fear for I'm your God.  I'll give you strength.  I'll help you.  I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."  Isaiah 41: 10,13 (mssg)